A Letter to My Husband

The meltdown came when I realized our relationship had pretty much been a permanent resident in the backseat of life until now. We had spent 13 years unknowingly breaking the rules of a successful marriage. We put our kids first. We let life get in the way. A quick Google search for ‘marriage after kids’ and I was convinced we were screwed. Hell, I could have ruined it all by myself based solely on what a crappy wife I’ve been.

To put things in perspective, here’s how our relationship started off:

  • Our wedding was 99 days after our first date.
  • We were 18 and 20.
  • Our first child was born almost 8 months to the day after our wedding.
  • We had our second child by the time we were 20 and 22.

To say the odds were against us from the beginning is an understatement…

It’s not that we have been unhappy. We have been an amazing team, getting through the craziness of life together. It’s the fact that we have never made a distinction between being a married couple and being parents. We literally just skipped right over the whole chapter where it’s just the two of you, getting to know one another as individuals.

B and I on our wedding day,  2001

B and I on our wedding day. We were just kids!

What brought things back into focus for me was writing this letter to my hubby. It helped remind me of all the reasons why we are going to be okay. Actually, more than okay – we are going to be awesome together.

Dear B,

Today marks the end of an era. It has taken us nearly thirteen years to write this first chapter of our lives together (a little longer than anticipated, but that’s okay), and it’s time to turn the page.

When we decided that our family was complete, I panicked. Obviously, you know this because you witnessed my craziness first hand.

I’ve spent all of these years trying to be the best mommy to our kids. I’ve been with them almost every day and night since the day they were born. This has been my job, my identity, my number one priority above everything else. I know that all of O’s firsts will be our last firsts to witness as parents. As they grow up, they’ll need me less…and differently than now.

This made me see our life through a different lens. We have never been husband and wife without also being mom and dad. It’s like those two things have been intertwined from the beginning for us. Our lives have revolved almost exclusively around raising our babies up to this point. As they get older, we will start to have time for the husband and wife part and I worried that we would suddenly find ourselves lost. What if our connection to each other is parenthood? So I panicked.

It wasn’t long though before I realized how dumb that was. We’ve totally got this.

You and I have been through so much. We literally grew up together. When I look back at all of the challenges we’ve overcome, I am comforted because I know we are stronger as a couple. There was that moment, you know the one, when we both considered walking away. But we didn’t. We weathered the storm together. I know it is our connection – our love for each other – that gets us through it all.

You are my very best friend, and you get me like no one else. You’ve loved me at my very worst, supported me no matter what, picked up the slack when I was too depressed to get out of bed, and forgiven me when you had every reason in the world not to. I love you more every single day and I am so very blessed to be your wife.

I can’t wait to see what adventures await us. Let’s do everything we have ever dreamed about together. It is going to be A-MAZING!

I love you, my love!

-L

I felt so much better, just being able to remember ‘us’. Our marriage is strong despite our kids coming first all of these years. I was able to see that even though we have been breaking the ‘rules’ from day one, we have been doing what works for us.

 

 

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